Wednesday, September 30, 2009

wonderful life...

It's been one crazy week! These two weeks has been completely crazy. I've been getting no sleep at all. Exam week sucks. Ruining my life! Yesterday, I slept at 5.30am, woke up for class at 7am this morning, had class from 9am-12pm, had a "break" for 2 hours, but not really considered a break since I was studying for my exam. Took the exam at 2pm, went home, ate, did my two bio report lab, studied for Bio quiz, and now here I am blogging. WHAT A LIFE! I must admit, I like being productive. I hate not being productive, and ok so why am I complaining right? I'm just honestly tired and drained. I feel cranky these past two weeks. I just need sleep, but I feel like if I sleep, I might not wake up or I might lose focus, so I don't sleep. bleh! Today was my last day of exam 1. I can finally rest at least for another 2 weeks before my 2nd exam starts again. I feel really challanged this semester, not only because Im taking 6 classes, but because I feel like for once I'm taking classes that I love, but in the same time its pretty challenging. I dont know if that made any sense, but I think this semester is going to be a great one!

Aside of school, everything has been great. Okay, maybe not so great. Ever since this whole exam started two weeks ago, and the whole lack of sleep situation, everything I do effects the way my mood. I dont feel like doing much. I just want to go home and rest after a long day, and yeah sounds pretty boring, but I dont have any more energy or strength to go out anymore. My friends all think I'm crazy for studying too much. ok enough of the school talk, seriously.

its 1 am right now, and I dont know why im still awake when i should be getting my sleep. Okay, I should probably be sleeping soon. Until then....

Goodnight sweet dreams
<3 Jess

Friday, September 25, 2009

One crazy week

This week was beyond crazy and tiring :( I had 4 exams, and one more next week. I feel like I haven't even have time for myself. Been waking up super early, sleeping super late and the routine like so continues like that for the whole week. My sleeping hours is so messed up and I feel like I've been consuming myself with so much caffeine and energy drinks just to keep myself awake. On the lighternote, studying does pay off though. I totally feel that studying boosts up my confidence, and my worry level decrease by 50%. haha :) Meaning, I still worry and get nervous before exams, but at least its down by 50%. You know that feeling when you're buzzed? You kinda feel dizzy and light headed right? Thats the way I felt today. I guess its because I didnt get much sleep, so I felt so light headed, almost like the feeling as if you were buzzed. The unfortunates of getting lack of sleep is seriously not fun. I respond to people late and I feel clueless and blank! I had lunch with my friend today, and he asked me why I was so quiet and looked so blank. I simply said, LACK OF SLEEP! Another unfortunate is I get so cranky and moody. Seriously. I felt like everyone was so annoying today. I just felt like slapping each and everyone. haha. sorry. just the honest truth. ^^

To top it off, work was even worser. I spilled 5 bowls of ponzu sauce all over the floor, and knocked down couple glasses of water on the floor as well. Its super embarrassing. Sigh. Today is just not my kind of day. :( I hope tomorrow will be better. I'm just excited for the weekend. Though I have another exam to study for, at least I have a day or two to enjoy before I head back to my torture zone. :)

Ok it's almost 1am and I should be sleeping, but why arent i? I dont know. I'm a stubborn girl, remember? Ok, I should probably go to bed and catch on my sleeping hours.

goodnight guys,
Jess

Thursday, September 17, 2009

I thought I would do a short blog before I study. (: I just got off work an hour ago. I feel tired and exhausted, but I have to start studying for my exams next week. This is when I seriously question myself why in the world did I choose to take 6 classes this semester! bleh. \

This week has been so crappy for me. No idea why. I just feel crappy. So many things to do, and so little time. I feel like I lose focus easily over small things, and that's not good. I really need to focus, but I feel like there is so many distractions heading my way. I have family visiting from Indonesia, so I have no choice but to accompany them. My other relatives are also here for a month, so yeah I have to accompany them too. It's just frustrating. I feel bad for not accompanying them, but in the same time, I have so many responsibilities and other things that I need to get done. How in the world am I supposed to prioritize? My family is important, but so is my school work. Sigh...

Sometimes I feel like life is so unfair. I know this might sound selfish, but I don't like not getting what I want. Let me rephrase that. I like getting things my way, and if I don't get them my way, it just sucks. Yeah, I know that sound selfish of me to say, but what can I right? Humans are never satisfied with anything and everything. True, right? I think this is why I've been feeling crappy lately. Aside of my family being here and being busy with the University, I feel like I have drown into a pit of a black empty hole. I think I'm beginning to realize that whatever I did was not worth it, and it sure is not worth my time. I have to admit. I made a huge mistake, and I somewhat regret it. I should have never questioned myself and followed my heart. Now, it's just hard on me. But things happen for a reason, right? Now, I just have to deal with it. SIGH. Bad timing, seriously. I cant lose focus now. Its a sucky feeling. I hate having to deal with the leftover crap. I wish I can blog happy blogs, but right now its just so sucky. :(

Okay this is getting way too long. I need to study! ^^

blessed day,
Jess

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Lately everywhere I go, I see a resemblance of you...

Wednesday, September 09, 2009

I don't know what to do. I'm stuck in between, and though I know what the right thing is for me to do, I don't want to do it. I can honestly say that I'm scared to lose what I have, but I also don't want to lose the friendship that I've already built. So what do I do? Someone has to get hurt in the end. I have to do it.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

Almost Perfect. . .

One more day of long weekend, and back to school )= I really enjoyed my Labor Day weekend. It was nice for a change to do something with my friends that I never really got the chance to do on a usual weekend. We went to Santa Cruz on Saturday. Went to a spa called Tea Tree Spa and hit the beaches. Love it! The rest of the night got really blurry, cause I was completely buzzed after drinking a couple of drinks.

The whole weekend just seemed almost perfect. I enjoyed every moment of it. Its like I'm in this dream and I just dont want to wake up from it. I feel like I am living a fairytale right now. :( I hate saying goodbye. I am so helpless right now...

Wednesday, September 02, 2009

My life is so confusing right now. Nobody has an idea how confusing it is! OK, this is a very useless blog, so PLEASE don't read it, unless you have no life but to read my rants! I am in the middle of confused and sure. Does that even make any sense? I don't understand myself! Most of my friends say that I'm a positive person, but this....THIS I just don't think I can be positive about. I am too confused to fit positive in this situation. Man, I don't know what to do! I really don't know what I should do. I don't even know what is the right thing to do. OMG. I am going crazy! Someone needs to calm me down! I AM A CRAZY WOMEN!

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I'm so excited for this weekend! I have a 5 day weekend. No school friday, labor day on monday, and next week is furlough day, so it means I have a 5 day weekend! I'm starting to like the idea of furlough days! Sucks for the teachers, but we benefit them with days off from school! The only unfortunate thing is that some professors are lame and are not willing to teach certain material that is supposed to be covered on the furlough day, that means we have to learn it ourselves. blah!

I wasnt feeling so well today. Maybe its the lack of sleep I've been getting. Last night, I couldnt sleep until 3-4am ish cause of that caramel macchiato I drank from campus. Yeah yeah, I told you I'm stubborn! I'm bad with caffiene, but I still drink it anyways! I was having runny nose, my throat was itchy, and my eyes felt so heavy. I feel a bit better now because I took a little nap this afternoon. Hopefully I feel better for the weekend! :)

Ok, I dont know why I am blogging when I should be reading! Ok, signing off!

Jess