Monday, December 29, 2008

something to talk about

I know I just posted a random blog a couple of minutes ago, but this one, I just wanted to talk about something that has been flowing through my mind.

I dont know if it's just me, or maybe it is just me? but I feel like its so hard to say 'i miss you' and 'i love you' to him. i dont know. I'm so different...honestly. For example, he called me a few hours ago, and he asked me..."hun, kangen gak?" (do you miss me?) and i said..."well, gak jg seh" (not really) haha...I dont know. If I miss him, I usually dont even say it. I dont know why. I'm just that type of girl that isnt so comfortable saying those things. Ok, I do say those words once in a while, but I'm just not that type of girl who is mushy mushy cheesssy i love you baby darling type of girl! I have some friends who are soooooooooo "mushy mushy" and so attached to their bfs, and I'm just not that type of person. I dont say i love you every 30 minute or everytime he calls..I just cant be all mushy and sweeeet. hahaha, is something wrong with me? is it even normal? I reallly have no clue.

Weve been togeather for a while now, and HE SHOULD know by now that I love him and miss him at times that we dont meet, i dont even have to say it, HE SHOULD know.... but he wants me to say it every time...is it just me? *sigh* I appreciate everything he does for me, and I appreciate and thank God to have met someone so patient and kind like him, but it just aggrevates me when he gets mad if i dont say those words! I dont know...if you guys have any feedback, let me know. haha. or maybe i need to be a little bit mushy? sigh...this topic is getting too long. see you all lataaaa

jess

Sunday, December 28, 2008

random

I can`t believe in 3 days were entering 2009. I'm really looking foward for 2009. Looking back in my 2008 resolution list, I'm amazed that all my goals were accomplished, and all those boxes that i drew next to my goals are checkmarked. Most of my goals for this coming new year has to do with self transformation and self constructive-tism..haha if there is such word for that? But whatever my new year resolution may be, I have faith I can conquer them.

San Francisco has never been so empty! SERIOUSLY...All my friends are all in Indo and most of my family members are in Indo, and church has never been this empty, and he is also in Indo..so that makes my holiday so lonely! Not to sound like a loner or anything, but honest, THIS holiday sucks. ahhhh :x i shouldnt complain! ok enough.

I miss him dearly...come home soon hunny. i wish i could be there with you, but i understand you have to go back. :( sometimes when the person you love is present, you take him/her for granted, and when that person leaves, that is when you truly realize how much you miss him/her. miss you and love you so much.

jess

Friday, December 26, 2008

ho ho ho....

hey guys,

I'm back from LA. My trip to LA was super fun, despite the cold weather and heavy rain. :( I didnt expect it to rain in LA, I thought LA weather would be nice and sunny, but unfortunately I was totally wrong. Even though the weather was ugly, we still had fun anyways. We went to Hollywood,Melrose,Beverly Hills n` Universal Studios. I wish i could stay there longer, but some of my friends had to go back to work. *snifsnif*

I forgot, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!! :) I hope you guys had a merry merry christmas filled with joy and happiness. I sure didnt. :( This christmas sucked big time, maybe because we didnt really plan anything, and most of my friends are in Indo, and plus, my family didnt really plan anything this year so I just stayed at home the whole day becos everywhere is closed! andd...had dinner at home with the family and della. ahhhh, my grammer is a mess, but i dont care!

jastien is still in indo and wont be coming back till the 8th of january. He starts school on the 5th, but because its the holiday, the flight is booked so his on the waiting list for the 3rd and 5th. I just hope he gets a flight before the 8th. i miss him bunch. I guess its when that person leaves is when you really miss them. I guess i just gotta cope with it!!!!

my vacation is sooooo longggggg...im happpy about it, but theres absolutely nothing to do. If i go to the mall, I will end up shopping and thats not good. hehhe :) I still want to go SD because I've been dying to go there but never get the chance to. well see...

alright guys, i dont know what i'm talking about anymore. I feel like i'm going all over the place with my random unecessary thoughts. haha..

merry christmas once again. :)

Jess

Saturday, December 20, 2008

something to think about...

Each year, before the year ends, I always a write a "end of the year blog" and so here it is.

I cant believe 2008 is coming to an end. I dont know if you notice, but I keep on saying that time ticks by very quickly, but this year, it really does. It seems as if it was just yesterday that it was January. When I look back through this past year 2008, I can never thank God enough for his goodness and favor He has done for me. It really does feel like just yesterday I was writing my new year resolution list! When I look back at what I've accomplished this year, I could have not done it without Him. So far, my New Year's resolution is complete. All my prayers were answered, and every goal I wanted to reach were accomplished, and only by His grace.

Next year will be an exciting year. Unpredictable, but what ever may come, I know my life is in the palms of His hands, and I know He has the best for me. There are still many things that I want to see happening, sometimes I question myself why aren't these things happening to me but I learn that we should embrace the place God wants us to be right now, and the place you are right now is the place where He wants you to be. Theres sooo much things I want to do, soo much I want to accomplish but it seems as though I'm chased by time and I just dont know to accomplish it? I feel like I have a lot of things to work on myself, and at times, I think to myself, am i able to do this? am I able to conquer this test? I'm being honest, its natural to have a feeling of insecurity, but I also learn that theres no purpose of me thinking what has not happen yet. Let it be, and Let God handle it.

This year is coming to a close, what do you want to see happening in 2009? Live a life that is worth something, and dont let something good passes you by. If there is a chance of something great, take it. If you have passion for something, run for it. You know what I've learned? I'm so passionate about alot of things, but all these years, I was not doing anything about it. I was waiting for someone to wake me up and give me that opportunity. But I had the wrong thinking. If you really want something, you really should go for it, and remember to appreciate every moment and every relationship that may come along the path. I watched 7 pounds yesterday, the new Will Smith movie, and WOW, amazing. hands down! That was probably the best movie of the year. If you have not watch it, I highly recommend watching it. It's a life changing movie for me, and I've learned to appreciate life more, and value the people and everything I have. If there is an area in your life that you want to work on, do it. Honestly, there are so many things that I need to work on myself. I'm in the process and I'm not there yet, but I have hope that I can do it.

I hope you guys get something out of this blog. :)

Friday, December 19, 2008

finals are over!

hey all...

finally, finals are OVER! I'm very glad its over becausee I barely got any sleep at all this week. In fact, NONE! I drank one of those 5-hour energy drink, they say that its better than your normal energy drink, and from my experience, YES, it does work but i dont think energy drinks are even good for your body. It actually works. I drank that bottle at 11pm and i finished studying at 5.30 am. My exam was at 8 am so i thought to myself, why dont i sleep for about an hour...but unfortunatly, I COULDNT SLEEP AT ALL. my body was tired, but my eyes was wide open. Its crazy, Ive never drank energy drinks and it worked better than coffee! hehehe...NOW, the only thing i have to stress about it my grades...dun dun dun...

I cant believe christmas is next week! To be honest, I DONT feel the christmas spirit anymore. Last fews ago, I did feel that excitement but for some reason I totally forgot that christmas is actuallly just right around the corner. maybe because i'm busy with school? Anyway...I'm leaving to LA tomorrow for 4 days, and im sooo excited. I'm ready for this holiday and I cant wait to get out of SF!!!!

olright bloggers, i'll write more in a bit. I must start packing :)

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

This week I`m entering the gates of torture and procrastination. I have 5 finals this week and 4 papers to complete; 1 that is 20 page long. So by the end of this week, I'll be completely drained. I finished 2 finals today, and so 3 more to go! I`m so over itttt. I just want to get right into vacation already. >.<

I dropped my boyfriend off to the airport a couple of hours ago, and i miss him already. :( I wish i could come along with him as planned, but it was all a sudden and a last minute thing. I really wanted to go back home but we both decided to go next summer instead, until he found out that he has to go back this year for personal reasons. i hope everything goes well and smooth. I JUST PRAY IT WILL. This christmas is going to suck big time because all my friends are gone to Indo` for vaca, and plus my bf is there as well, and so it`ll just be me and my family. Spending the holidays with your family is always important, but this will mean NEW YEARS ALONE :( sucksss, I guess everyone has to experience a bad christmas in their lifetime. this is my year. :(

I'm off to bed, soo exhausted, its almost 3 am and i should be sleeping. night guys.

Jess

Monday, December 08, 2008

"don`t play with fire"

currently listening to: "crush" by david archuleta

it`s almost 1a.m and I cannot sleep...
i`m stuck in a bubble
and I can`t seem to break out
it seems unright...wrong.
i don`t know why I`ve fallen for this..
ahh..it`s making me go crazy
it`s wrong jessica, its wrong..
it`s impossible...
frustrated...confused...
am i longing for you?
i want to say
but i`m hesitant...
am i just thinking too much?
probably so...
you.

- - -
for you:
i can`t sleep, my eyes longs to sleep but for some reason i just can`t sleep. i can`t believe i put myself into this situation. never did i saw this coming, neither did i know i would have felt this way. it just seems too impossible to me. so unreal. you reassured me for a minute, but i realized you were just a fairy tale, picture perfect. i wanna get over it, but it keeps coming back. maybe i`m just trying to let it get through me. why do i feel this way? maybe i`m reading the wrong message. maybe his sending me the wrong message. ahh, let it go jess, jus let it go..susah bgt sih...bodoh bodoh bodohh! duh, i cannot keep this going..gotta let you go.

Friday, December 05, 2008

hey all,

Last two days ago, I turned 21, finnaaally :) My friends threw a "surprise" dinner for me, which I already knew cos my mom made it so obvious....haha and me being the curious one, I try to find the solution. :) Thank you thank you thank you for everyone who greeted me on my birthday. love you all so much. Friends are like gold; precious and delicate. My pastor said something a week ago that finding friends is very easy, but finding a true friend is hard. Friends come and ago, but a true friend stays by your side until the end. So thank you my friendss, love you all berry much.

I've been really attached to this new band called, The Safety Suit. i love their songs alot. It's a calm punk rock/acoustic band, not too hard core or anything like that. check it out ^^

Fall semester is coming to an end n` i`m so so sooo excited....I've been waiting for this moment to come, all I need to do is endure one last painful devastating week of finals and I`m off on vacation!!! I'm debating either to go to SD or NY. NY is definetly a perfect place to enjoy christmas, the atmosphere and the surroundings is just so perfect., almost like a fairy tale. haahaha, serioussly :) SD is also nice, I havent been there so I guess its good for a change, although christmas in a hot weather doesnt sound all that nice (at least for me....)

I dont really have anything in particular to share, so until next timeee :)

blessed day,
Jess

Monday, December 01, 2008

thanksgiving retreat

hellloo all, I'm back from Thanksgiving Retreat just 2 days ago. I was really blessed with the sermons and it was overall a great experience for me. I would share, but it`ll be very long :) To make it short, I thought it was the best retreat experience for me. The grace of God is very powerful and I've learned so much in those 3 days. The love of God is truly amazing and priceless. As a christian, it's hard to maintain a devotion with God. HOnestly, im always constantly disturbed with so many things...school, work, fs, i dont know...you name it. Sometimes i delegate and procrastinate, but Ive learn that retreat is just a way to get your spirit alive again, but in a daily basis, its hard to keep that fire fueling. And after hearing Ps. Ramon from Bev` Hills speak, I realize that those 3 days was just a way to boost my spirit back up again, its really up to you and me to keep that fire fueling. I made a lifetime decision to keep that fire fueling and to strengthen my foundation.

Anywayyy, thanksgiving day was awesome. We were blessed by Frontline Generation that night, and boy were they amazing! I know thanksgiving is over, but we should always be thankful, everyday for everything, right? :)

You now, Sometimes life comes at us very straight foward. Sometimes I dont know why things happen to me the way it happens. Sometimes I dont even know if my actions i took were appropriate or not. I dont regret the things that has already happen for me in the past. Ok, maybe there are a few, but there are no bitterness. I dont want to live my life in bitterness, I just take it as a life's lesson. I'm thankful for every person that I've encountered a friendship or relationship with, and its something that i would never regret or will ever forget.