Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I've been feeling real emotional lately. Sometimes I create problems of my own, and i dont even know why i do that. I cant help my emotions and feelings. I mean, can anybody? I cant stand myself being like this, and sometimes I just wish that I wouldnt be like this. but who am i to say that? I am who I am, and nothing can change that. It seems as if problems makes me happy, but it doesnt...I guess thats just how I see it? I'm not always emo and moody just to let you all know that. Gosh, I dont even know why im writing this. Maybe its that time of the month.

thats it for now,

Jess
hi everybody...I know I havent been blogging in a while. I've been busy with school. I have 2 midterms coming up next week and I'm so frustrated because now that thanksgiving retreat is just right around the corner, we have practices every week now and i have to manage my time very wisely. So far, I'm almost done with all my quizzes and deadlines that i have to submit through sfsu database, and THANK GOD I'm almost done with that. It seems as if once im done with one set, I'm packed with another set of quizzes. Every weeekkk man! Sorry for procastinating. Anyway....tomorrow is the big day!!! and I am super excited but in the same time super nervous. I want to pass so badly, but if I fail, then its a learning experience for me, and I know that there will be many chances to come for me to pass. :) I have no fear. One way or another, I will pass :]

I'm in the comp lab waiting for my 7 oclock class and did i tell you? San Francisco's weather is going crazy! It was so humid these couple of weeks, and starting from this week, it has been cold and today was so foggy. I can barely see anything ahead of me while driving. But I gotta admit, I dont mind this weather. I'm tired of the hot weather, its time to have something new. Plus, its almost christmas and im super excited!!!

Alright guys, gotta start walking to class now. I'll update you more with my boring personal life!!!

alta la vissssssssssssssta!

bless`d day,
Jess

Monday, October 20, 2008

so tireddddd!

i am sooooooooooooo absolutelyyyyy exhausted right now. I wish I can just go home and take a rest, but unfortunately I'm stuck here in the computer room doing endless quizzes. :( i am so over itttt! I'm just completely overwhelmed by the many assignments that are due, and so little time to finish them. and u may ask, why are you blogging then?! WELL, i needed a break! ahhhhh, you know that feeling when youre in front of the computer for SO long, your head starts to hurt and your eyes gets all watery and your mind just doesnt function anymore?! YEA, well thats me right now! someone please help me! (sorry for ranting, its my expertise :) I promise I wont rant so much, but this is how i feel and blogs should be where i should post my emotions right? haha..ok that didnt made any sense but anyway........I guess its time to hit back on those books of mines :( if i could scream on top of my lungs, I WOULD.

somebody please rescue me.
can you believe christmas is just right around the corner?! I'm super super excited! I'm excited for that winter christmas breeze and hearing christmas songs playing. I love seeing christmas trees and seeing people decorate their homes and stores with christmas lights. Gotta admit, who doesnt love christmas? On top of that, my 21st bday is coming up pretty soon, and ahhh im getting old? but finally, Im going to turn 21 and im so super excited. I'm planning to have a party or at least a decent dinner with some friends to celebrate my 21st bday. I'm still in search for restaurants but maybe as the time gets near, I'll get a bigger picture as to how I want to celebrate it. super super exciteddd!

i know im supposed to be doing my homework. ahhhhhh...this is too addicting :x

jess
hey all...

this week is going to be a very very hectic week. I have tons of deadlines due this week and next week, plus one midterm on wednesday. It's time for me to step up and hit the books! My weekend was pretty fun. I went to the lamborghini dealer shop becos my bf's brother was interested in buying one, and he was actually VERY close to buying one, but ehhh...he wants to get a used one. I actually sat on one, i dont understand why exotic cars are so darn expensive! When i sat on the seat, I can barely see anything ahead of me cos the car was so low. I gotta admit though, its a beauty. I guess its like this: Guys are so in love with cars, whereas girls are so in love with makeup and bags or what not. I guess it makes sense to me now. heheh :)

I have class in 3 hours and I'm trying to get my marketing quizzes done but I'm so easily distracted! seriously, everything distracts me! okok, time to head to the books again. stop blogging jessica!

blessed day,
Jess

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

thoughts

Hey all, I'm on my 5 hour break until my next class starts. Devastating...I went to Borders for about 2 hours...read some magazines and roam around the mall or a bit, but no shopping for me. I have exactly 2 hours left to spare until my next class. What can be more exciting than blogging? :)

Last two days ago, I recieved a devastating news from my mom that my aunt's mom had passed away from cancer. I was never close to her or did we ever had a close relationship, but the moment I heard her passed away, it was a big shock for me, as though my heart just stopped for a moment. Although she had cancer and was on stage 4, (if you all dont know, stage 4 is the most dangerous) I never knew that she would be gone in a blink of an eye. I expected a miracle, hope of some sort. I actually thought she was doing fine, considering the fact that she lived in Indonesia, I wasn't aware how worse her condition was. All of a sudden, it came right to me that God can directly take someone special from your life in any moment. Until now, I still can not accept the fact that shes gone. I havent seen her for about 2-3 years, and I can still imagine her face clearly, and the way she spoke my name with that laughter of hers. Life is too short...You never know when it'll be your time to leave. Even though its unfair for us to see her leave like that, I do believe that she's in a better and safer place now, heaven.

The saying "life is too short" is evidently true. Life is too short, so why live life to the fullest? Sometimes its hard for us to say "i love you" to the person we love, because thats just the nature of us. But what I learned from my grandma's death, I learned that if you love someone, or care about them, show them that you really do. You never know when it will be their last time here on earth, so make it of a great use. If there is something you want to pursue, do it. If there is a goal you want to reach, make a plan and accomplish it. I know most of the words Im saying right now, I havent put them into actions, but I'm considering them, and I'm working on them little by little. I dont want to live a life that is full of waste, when I know for one that Im talented in my own special way, and I'm going to make use of that. The question though is how? That, I'm still trying to find a way. There seem to be a whole bunch of things that I want to do before I die, but it seems so little time (like I said on my previous blogs) Sometimes the process of getting to the place where I want to be in seems like a LONGGG process, and I just dont know how to get there? Or is it my path that I should follow? Is it God's plan for me? All these questions roam in my mind from time to time. What is my purpose in life? I'm still trying to figure out what God wants to do for me.

In the mean time, all I can do now is work hard on my education and keep dreaming :) After all, those you dream big are ambitious, and who knows? Maybe my dream will come true.

caiooo,
Jess

Sunday, October 12, 2008

hey all, sorry for the last very very mellow blog. Yesterday I had music practice for today's service, and there was one song that I was very touched by and it reminded me that there is someone who is still under control of me and someone who really cares for me.

Here in my Life- Hillsongs

I have never walked on water
felt the waves beneath my feet but
at Your word Lord, I'll receive Your
faith to walk on oceans deep

and I remember how You found me
in the very same place
all my failings surely would have drowned me
still You made a way

You are my freedom Jesus,
You're the reason I'm kneeling again at Your throne
where would I be without You
here in my life
here in my life

There are alot of times in my life where Im feeling down or just dont know what to do. There are times where I was stuck in a gravel, not knowing which path to choose or sometimes I'm in a situation where I worry what will the future will bring me and what's going to happen if this and that happens, but this song truly reminds me that I dont have to worry because He has everything under control and though at times I feel so weak and powerless, I know I have Him by my side; in my heart, and He is always there to strengthen me and bring me back in my feet. (sorry for my grammer mistakes)

My point is that sometimes were too busy with our own personal problems or especially life. Were busy with work, school, bf/gf, basically LIFE...and that tends to drift us apart from God and when we hit the bottom, God is always there for us even though He KNOWS that all along we have been forgetting bout Him. God is always Good and though we are not perfect and make mistakes, He finds a way to forgive us and strengthen us once more. To be honest, at times I forget about Him because I'm too busy with my own life, but guys, please dont hinder yourselve from Him. He is the one who will always be there for you through hard times. EVen if you get rejected by your company, your friend, your bf/gf, your parents, WHOEVER it may be....He will never forsake nor leave you alone. He is good, right? People and words may bring me down, but the only reason why Im still strong is because I have Him in my life. He is the reason why I'm still so strong and holding on.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

you

Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do,
I still feel you here 'till the moment I'm gone.
You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much
than to drown in your love and not feel your rain.

Set me free, leave me be.
I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.
But you're on to me and all over me.

You loved me 'cause I'm fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone.

I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you're
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you're neither friend nor foe though
I Can't seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you're keeping me down

Something always brings me back to you
It never takes too long

Gravity by Sara Bareilles

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Finding Mr. Right

hellooo guys, I'm in my boyfriend's shop right now on a saturday afternoon waiting patiently, so I decided to blog. There has been one thing in my mind lately that has been bugging me...I dont think "bugging" is right exact word, but it is something that has been roaming in my mind.

As most of you don't know, I've been living in the U.S all my life. I go to school here, work here, I was basically GROWN in the U.S. Do I enjoy living in the U.S? Yes, of course I do. I think its a great priveledge to grow here, and to be honest, I am proud to be an Asian American. I came to the U.S when I was only 3 years old, before even migrating here, I was left in Indonesia with my grandparents, while my parents were here in the U.S. Sooner or later, I was brought here to the U.S and my parents provided me a great education, and nonethless to say, I am so thankful for my parents for bring me here. Many people in Indonesia are not fortunate enough, and how they long to come to the U.S in search for job and education, but dont have the money and status to live here. Right now, I'm in a situation weather I should stay here or go back to Indonesia for good. You know the saying, "the wife has to follow the husband", yeah thats true, I totally agree with that, but in my position, it just seem so unfair. Dont get me wrong, I'm still young and I have a longgggg way to go, to even think about marriage. But the reason why this "topic" has been in my mind lately is because I'm in this relationship not just for fun or for someone to "love" me temporarily. I'm committing this relationship for long term purposes; I want someone to love me endessley and permanently. Maybe if this works out, and if this is God's plan, maybe this will lead to marriage (Well, marriage is something I shouldnt think about now, HAHAHA). I really do want to live here, I want to raise my family here and have a career here. Honestly, I can't imagine living in Indonesia and raising my family there. Those of you who are not Indonesian , you guys should do some research, but honestly, I cant see myself living there. Dont get me wrong, its not like i dislike my country, but the poverty and craziness really scares me and its not safe at all to live there. My parents provided me a great education here, and I dont want to waste it and throw it away, by moving back to Indonesia. As much as I love him, I can't throw my education that my parents has provided for me just like that.

I love you hunny, and if this is God's plan for us to be togeather, I know how He will guide our path and provide our needs.

jess

Friday, October 03, 2008

gloomy afternoon

hey all...today I'm feeling extra mellow for some reason. The weather outside is very gloomy, cold, foggy and just plain UGLY. I have work in a few hours and ahhhh, how I'm so lazy to go to work. I just wanna snuggle up in bed and watch dvds. hehehe. Yea, I'm a home girl. Recently, the weather in SF has been very very cold and gloomy, maybe because its almost winter? IM so excitedd! I love the feeling of winter, especially now that Christmas is just right aroung the corner. I have alot of plans I want to do over the winter vacation. I have two choices, but right now I just dont know what choice is best for me? I'm so undecisive, and I dont know weather I should choose this or that. okok, sorry for ranting something that you all dont know what I'm talking about!

Anywho, midterms is out of the way! I'm extremely happy, and most of all relieved now that it over. You know that feeling when you feel accomplished that you done your duhty? Yeah, well thats how I feel. Anyway.....................time to get ready for work. :( i`ll see you all in my next blog.

jess

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

school is stressing me off.

hey guys...

i just got back from LA a couple days ago. I was going to make a blog while i was in LA since I bought my lap top with me to do some work, but unfortunately, i was caught up with the great sunny weather and shopping :)  My trip was overall fun fun fun! To be honest, it was so last minute trip since i had so much hw and deadlines due on monday, but i risked it, and guess what? i ended up finishing all my duties by monday. i slept at 3 am on monday and got everything done on time. ahhh it was crazy. I learned my lesson to never to that again!
LA....wow, how different the city is comparing to SF. I've been to LA a couple of times, but havent been there in a while now,  it was neat to go to a whole different city. i really want to try something new, like perhaps moving to LA? live there and live independently? seriously, all my life, ive never experienced how it feels like to live alone and live independently. It's not that I dont appreciate my parents for raising me in their house and taking care of me and what not, but for once in my life, i WOULD love to try something new. Unfortunately, that wont happen until I graduate out of school, find a decent job and MOVE OUT...that's when I will experience the time of my life.

alright guys, sorry for ranting. Im on my 5 hour break. yes, my next class is at 7 pm till 10 pm. ahh how fun :) 

blessed day,
Jessica