Life.

Life seems so great right now...at least for me. I don't know how long this feeling would last, but I lately, I've been feeling so happy. I wake up in the morning with the best mood ever with no reason. :) I'm not sure of what I did was wrong, but my intentions are nothing more. In a way, I should have left it the way it was, because deep down I know it is not right. But on the other hand, I knew if I did not take the chance, I would wonder and regret it in the end. Right now, I just don't know what is right and what is wrong. If anything, I'm just so happy.

In life, there is a time for everything, right? A time to slack off, a time when you just don't care about your education or work, a time where everything just seems to go downhill, a time to cry and a time to mend. But there comes a time in life in everyone where a light bulb just suddenly pops into your brain, and you suddenly realize that life is not worth living unless you do something great with it. Guess what? That shiny light bulb that's been lost for years has finally struck my brain like a lightening bolt. These couple years I've been in University has been great, but there was nothing in particular that excites me or motivates me. Sometimes, I try to motivate myself and find my own excitement in life, but just hearing the downfall of the economy, unemployment rates, and how hard it is to find jobs truly brought my excitement to the lowest level of levels. I've always had a dream of making it big one day, and working for some big company in the future, but that feeling just suddenly disappeared a couple years back. It's like I finally saw a light, and I'm trying to aim and reach for that light, but somewhere along the line, I felt like it is just too impossible to reach to that light, because there were many things in my way. I'm not blaming anybody...if anything, I blame myself. All these years, I have done what pleases other people. Everything I do is to please my parents. I was so scared to walk out of my comfort zone, and stand up for myself. I did what they wanted me to do, because deep down I felt like that was the right thing. Even though I had these many goals and visions I want to pursue and see myself becoming in the future, I felt like everything leads to a dead end. The idea of having to make two choices later in the future frightens me. Honestly, all my goals that I want to achieve, I was not excited about it. I did not work hard for it. I just didn't care. I just wanted to go with the flow and see where I will end up after I graduate. But, after that light bulb strike in my head, I've realized that life is truly worth nothing unless you do something that makes you happy. What I mean by 'what makes you happy' is not just from your surroundings, but what you're passionate about; making your dreams become into reality.

It was hard on me for a while, because I was confused and frustrated. I'm like a little child squeezed in the middle of a crowd clueless. I felt like the right thing to do is follow him wherever he will go in the end, but where does that leave me? In one point of my life, I felt like it was just so useless to follow my dream and pursue what I want to do, because whatever I do, I will end up in one place: Indonesia. Working my ass off is not going to be worth it. I cant live my dreams there, that's not where my heart is. I felt like I've been such a child. I've been the follower, when I'm supposed to be the leader and the decision maker for myself. Deep down, I think its a nice gesture of me. I do it because I cared about him and I wanted us to work out in the long run, but is this what really makes me happy? What if someday things went south, what am I left with? Nothing.

This week, I've awaken and realized the importance of life. I learned that you need to make your own decisions in life, and stand up for what you believe in. I felt like all these years I've been dragged around. I felt scared to open up and say what I want to do with my life, because my parents might not approve. I chose accounting for goodness sake because my parents wanted me to take it. I tried to love it, but that was just not me. You have to be passionate about something. Set a goal, and achieve it. And you know what? I've finally found mines. I'm not gonna think about all these negativities, and how competitive my field might be, because I really don't care. Everywhere you go is competitive if you really think about. If I love it that much, I will work my butt off like crazy until I get what I want. I am so passionate about this, and I really want to make my dreams come true. I sound like a little girl right now, I know, but hey! You need to be excited in life. You need that drive and motivation that gets you moving, or else you're nothing. You gotta stand out as an individual :) As of right now, I really am not worrying about my future. I'm not worrying about going back to Indonesia or weather to follow him or not, because for once, I want to do something for myself. I want to see myself succeed. :)

No more looking back. No more negativities. Doing what you are passionate about really feels great, especially after you get your result. That feels even better :) Dont ever give up. Strive for the best. Life is too precious. :)