thoughts

Hey all, I'm on my 5 hour break until my next class starts. Devastating...I went to Borders for about 2 hours...read some magazines and roam around the mall or a bit, but no shopping for me. I have exactly 2 hours left to spare until my next class. What can be more exciting than blogging? :)

Last two days ago, I recieved a devastating news from my mom that my aunt's mom had passed away from cancer. I was never close to her or did we ever had a close relationship, but the moment I heard her passed away, it was a big shock for me, as though my heart just stopped for a moment. Although she had cancer and was on stage 4, (if you all dont know, stage 4 is the most dangerous) I never knew that she would be gone in a blink of an eye. I expected a miracle, hope of some sort. I actually thought she was doing fine, considering the fact that she lived in Indonesia, I wasn't aware how worse her condition was. All of a sudden, it came right to me that God can directly take someone special from your life in any moment. Until now, I still can not accept the fact that shes gone. I havent seen her for about 2-3 years, and I can still imagine her face clearly, and the way she spoke my name with that laughter of hers. Life is too short...You never know when it'll be your time to leave. Even though its unfair for us to see her leave like that, I do believe that she's in a better and safer place now, heaven.

The saying "life is too short" is evidently true. Life is too short, so why live life to the fullest? Sometimes its hard for us to say "i love you" to the person we love, because thats just the nature of us. But what I learned from my grandma's death, I learned that if you love someone, or care about them, show them that you really do. You never know when it will be their last time here on earth, so make it of a great use. If there is something you want to pursue, do it. If there is a goal you want to reach, make a plan and accomplish it. I know most of the words Im saying right now, I havent put them into actions, but I'm considering them, and I'm working on them little by little. I dont want to live a life that is full of waste, when I know for one that Im talented in my own special way, and I'm going to make use of that. The question though is how? That, I'm still trying to find a way. There seem to be a whole bunch of things that I want to do before I die, but it seems so little time (like I said on my previous blogs) Sometimes the process of getting to the place where I want to be in seems like a LONGGG process, and I just dont know how to get there? Or is it my path that I should follow? Is it God's plan for me? All these questions roam in my mind from time to time. What is my purpose in life? I'm still trying to figure out what God wants to do for me.

In the mean time, all I can do now is work hard on my education and keep dreaming :) After all, those you dream big are ambitious, and who knows? Maybe my dream will come true.

caiooo,
Jess