Hey everybody,

I'm so glad to be home. Work was super busy, but it was one of those days where it's busy at every hour. So one hour it's slow, the next hour is busy. Kinda sucks, cause I rather have it busy all at once ^^ This morning I woke up 9.30 am, got ready, and went to downtown to do some shopping :) I havent gone shopping since finals week, and today was such a relieve! I got a cute peacock headband from urban outfitters, and a top from Abercrombie, but it was too big so I have to go back tomorrow to return it. ahhh, I should have tried it on before purchasing it. That's what I get for being in a rush! Tomorrow is another long day for me. I have to wake up at 6am tomorrow for music practice at 7 am for church. aaah, so early. why Adam? why 7 am? why not 8am? hehehe. I hope I can wake up, cause sometimes my alarm clock doesnt ring at all even though I already turn it on! I need a "live" wake up call!

These couple of days Ive been undergoing a major crisis, a.k.a "cankersore". It hurts to the max. It's so painful and disturbing. I cant even eat anything that is flavourful, big, and chewy cause it hurts so bad. A couple of days ago, I went to Chipotle with my friend and bought a burrito and I couldnt even eat that big thing! I gave it to my sis....Yesterday, I ate shabu2, and it was so painful because the sauce was so citrusy. What else? Today, I ate green curry for dinner and couldnt stop tearing up because it was so flavourful that it hurts my cankersore so bad. :( Just when one is healing, I have another one in my tounge. Sorry if this talk is disturbing, but I think its my dentist fault! haha... No, I think I just need to drink more water. Also, I tend to bite my tounge alot so I guess that's why? Ok enough of this talk. I hope it will heal soon, because I can't even smile :/

My Obsession of the Day #2

I think I'm going to start having "My Obsession of the Day" entries, because I have so much cravings from time to time...haha.

My favorite snack lately has been a avacado smoothie. Its's yummy, healthy, and its so easy to make. :) Avocado is rich in magnesium that reduces risk of excess belly fat, high blood pressure, high cholesterol and high blood sugar. If you have cholesterol, avacado is a good source of diet. Here is my avacado smoothie recipe (you can find them online, but this is the way I make them. Every recipe is quite alike. Told u its simple!):

-1 large avocado (add more avocado, depending how much you want to make)

-2 teaspoon milk

-1 cup of ice

-sugar (eye ball it)

Blend everything, and you got yourself a yummy avocado smoothie!

I honestly dont follow this recipe. I go by it, but I usually just eyeball how much sugar, ice, milk and avocado I put in. Put as much or as little as depending on your taste. It really isnt hard to make at all, you just need some dedication for avocados! yum ^^

5 Things that gross me out

There are probably not a lot of things that disgusts or gross me out, but these are 5 things that I find really disgusting. Here goes:

1.) Mice/insects- Anything that has to do with little insects such as bugs, cockroaches, spiders- you name it, gross me out so much! I hate looking at them and being near them. Speaking about it already gives me the itch. Mice also grosses me out. I just dont see why some people find them cute? Rats, mouse....I find them disgusting. I used to live in a house that has many mice, oh gosh, it was disgusting. I cant stand looking at their tails. It freaks me out...

2.) Public Restroom-Most, not all, public restroom grosses me out. If it was a 5-star hotel, or even say a regular hotel, and a nice fancy restaurant, then I dont mind using their restrooms. BUT, if it was mall or a fast food public restroom, I rather not use them. I dont understand why some people do not flush. I mean, I understand it's a public restroom and it is supossed to stink and what not, but please flush. It's not so hard to flush and clean after yourselves, right? ^^

3.) Old men hitting on young girls- I truly truly cant stand seeing old men hitting on young girls. Like I said before, I work in a restaurant, and from time to time, I would get a wink wink, a stare, or a flirty smile from old men. Let me tell you how disgusting it is. Seriously, it's disturbing. I also find guys that already has girlfriends flirting and just staring at other girls very disturbing. It grosses and freaks me out. They should be ashamed of themselves. If you're not satisfied with one girl, then you shouldnt even be in a relationship. I get these alot as well, it just bothers me, because if my boyfriend did that, I'll probably flush him down the drain. Oh yes, I have good eyes. :)

4.) Baggy Pants-Guys with saggy baggy pants to the point that shows their boxers grosses me out. If you wanna show your boxers then you might as well not wear any pants at all? I dont if it's just me, but I dont it attractive at all. It's actually a turn off. Oh, and you know what's funny? Their walk. You know when your pants are saggy, you're not able to walk properly right? Well, their walk is pretty annoying. I guess they find it attractive, I dont know. I just dont see it.

5.) Smokers/druggies- I dont want to offend anyone, but I find people who smokes really grosses me out. I cant stand the smell, I just cant stand being anywhere around smokers. I just find it pointless to buy cigarettes, its expensive and its bad for you. umm, doesnt that ring a bell? Anyway, enough of this talk. Dont want to offend anyone now. As for druggies, I'm not usually around druggies, cause I dont have friends who doesnt them, but people who does drugs does gross me out. Their smell, their actions, everything.

Summer time...

It's my first week of summer and I'm already loving it. :) Actually, in some ways I'm enjoying it and in another way I'm not. I love being able to wake up late and not worry about rushing to class, but one thing I dislike about summer is not having anything productive to do. On Monday for instance, I stayed in the whole day doing pointless things such as browsing in the net, laying in bed, and watching tv! You see!? I remembered being in front of my tv for almost 7 hours straight. It's unbelievable. I could have went out, but my friends had work, some in Indo already, and its freezing out....so I guess I should`nt complain right? ^^

I'm still deciding what to do for summer. I'm waiting for Jastien to finish so we can finally decide what to do. So I made a list of what may come this summer :)

1.) Camping in Angel Island (camped here once, its beautiful...)
2.) San Diego (I've been wanting to go SD since December, but never had the chance to!!!!)
3.) L.A again? (never seem to get enough of this city!)
4.) Disney World I (Would be my dream come true to come here again. I've always wanted to go here. Been here once when I was very little but forgot everything.)
5.) Indo` (This was my actual plan to go back, but I'm still deciding whether or not I should go this summer or december. It's pretty late to buy the ticket now since it will get even more expensive especially now that it's summer, but well see.)

So there's my list...I dont think I would be able to go to all 5 places, but I do hope I can go to at least 2/5 places I listed up there. hahaha...For some reason, my plans never work out. Dont know why....You know what's odd? Whenever I plan something, either it doesnt turn out the way I expected it to be, or it just never happens. But when I dont plan, most likely that event will happen. Wierd, huh? Thought so. :/

I'm amazed that it's been weeks since I thought of what I thought was going to be hard to forget. There were many times I wondered why I kept thinking about it all those days, but these few days I've thought of all the possibilities that I should forget it completely, and to my surprise, there is so many things I found that makes me want to let go. Honestly, it was'nt worth it. I think the only reason why I kept holding on was because I liked the feeling. I enjoyed remembering every single thing, because for me, it was precious. But if I remember the opposite of the enjoyment, there was probably more that I can list than the enjoyment feeling.

I'm truly happy and glad to be in the place in here right now. Sometimes I tend to forget and take things for granted, like what I have isnt enough and felt like what I needed was more, but I had the wrong mindset. I'm truly happy that things ended up the way it did, and honestly, thank God I was not stuck there because I would not be able to be loved the way I am loved right now.
I think everyone has their moments. Sometimes it takes time to realize the truth, and right now, I've realized the truth. This time, I'm 100% over with u for sure. Thanks God!

Accepting yourself.

Accepting who you are as a person can be tough at times. I'm not perfect, in fact, nobody is. Sometimes I wish I was taller, have a better body, and the list goes on and on, but all these things that we want and hope for is all imaginary. There are times where I feel like I'm not good enough, not just physically but emotionally. Sometimes I feel like I could have done better, or I maybe feel like I wish I was this or that. BUT, these things doesnt change you as a person. You keep complaining, but the truth is no body is perfect. Everyone has their flaws, and everyone would want to change something about themselves. Let me make this clear. Everyone has something in them that they lack, something that they want to have. Isn't that true? Humans are never and will never be satisfied. We will always want more and more. If I can say that humans are greedy and selfish, I can assure you that humans are 100% greedy and selfish. Well, technically we are.

I've been learning to accept myself as an individual. You know that saying, "you have to love yourself first before you love anyone else"? Well, that saying is true. I love myself, I care about my own being (dont take that in a wrong way), but there are things about me that I wish I can change. Traits, personality, and physically...I just wish I can get what I want. If there is one thing I'm good at, that is complaining. Sometimes it's hard to accept who I am, but I realize that I must accept myself for who I am. God created me in my own special way, and complaining is the same thing as saying God's creation is horrible. I realized that by complaining, I'm hurting God. I'm learning to accept myself as an individual, and to love myself the way I am. I'm beautiful in my own way and I know for one that my inner beauty is indeed more beautiful and important than the exterior. Thanks God for opening my eyes. But above all, thank you for allowing me to be a strong individual.

I`m so mad that my webcam isn`nt working properly! I thought that now my computer is working fine and now that it's fast, it'll let me make videos, but turns out its still nagging on me!!! aaaaaaaaaaa, im so mad! I tried making one earlier this morning, and when I played the video it was slow. When I talk its not following my lips. It's just nagging, its so slow I cant stand it!!!

2 more days until summer and I'm somewhat excited. I just want to get over with finals. Well, then after that, its the waiting game: the grade.

time for dancing with the stars, and bachelorette!! ahh so excited!

til then,
jes

break time...

I've been sitting in front of the computer screen for the past 4 hours listening to my marketing lecture and trying to get a perfect score on these quizzes. I have finals this week and next week. I hate finals week. Who enjoys it anyway? I'm trying to keep a smile on my face, and pretend to enjoy it because I dont wanna have a negative view! This is the time where I need some positivity and encouragment because right now, my grades are on stake. Did i say that right? heheh ^^ I think I'm doing pretty well in my classes so far, but finance is really killing me, I just wish I was good at math. Let me take that back. I dont mind the math. As long as there is a formula and a way to solve it, I'm fine. But, its the concept that is so difficult and hard to grasp (at least for me). I thought I was really good with concepts, but turns out that I'm not with finance. But to be honest, this semester was by far the best semester I've experienced in my University so far. Maybe it's because I had the focus, or maybe it's because I'm doing pretty well. hehe...Anyways, tomorrow is gonna be long day. I'm working on a finance stock valuation project with my classmate. Were doing it on AIG. I dont understand stock at all, or how it works and what not, but after doing some reasearch, its pretty interesting and quite entertaining. I dont think I'll get myself into buying stocks though. Ok, enough of education.

alrightt, im gonna go back studyingg... :/

Marriage

I'm not married, nor am I close to getting married. It is probably the biggest and longest decision that I'll ever have to make when the time comes. So why write about marriage, considering that I'm not even married yet? I couldn't find a greater answer other than the fact that I've always been interested in this topic itself. I'm no expert, I still have alot to learn, so you may or may not agree with me, and that's okay. These are simply just my opinion, and it can change overtime. Shall we start?

Marriage might seem to be simple to some people, but we all know it isn't as simple as 1,2,3. First, we got the wedding, the honeymoon phase, then after all that good stuff, comes the real marriage life. If I were to describe what marriage really is in one simple sentence, it will be, "either the marriage is successful or a failure." What is a successful marriage though? Well, I can't really answer that because I'm not married, and even though if I was married, I dont think I would be able to give you a concrete answer. I don't think a married couple can answer that either. I think the only person that can answer that question is a couple that has been married and retired; a.k.a when you're old. Why? Because they've been through it all. Through thick and thin, and and through all the gutters possibly imagined.

Even though I can't answer "what is a successful marriage", a couple things I do know is that a successful marriage requires commitment, communication and trust. I think a lack in one of those criterias is the ultimate cause of a divorce. Commitment, communication and trust is the foundation to any relationships. Even before getting married, I believe that these 3 criterias need to occur first. You need commitment, because without commitment there is sinply no relationship. Commitment does not only require you to commit your whole being to your spouse, but it is sacrificing and dedicating your life to them. It also requires time. If you're one of those workaholics that works day and night, I don't suggest you to get married! Marriage also needs communication. Misundertandings and misconmunications can also lead to divorce. You need communication period. Trust is probably the most important criteria in a marriage. Without trust, there is no commitment, and vice versa. Trust is the foundation of any relationship.

Now, here comes the juicy part. Divorce! So what really causes divorce? I think a lack of either commitment, communication and trust is the cause of divorce. Americans tend to believe that divorce is okay. I dont know how many times that I've heard celebrity news on divorce. It just seems that divorce in this country is considered to be "okay" and a "normal" thing. It's like a trend, you know? One season you get married, the next season you divorce. It seems to be a hot trend in America. I think one of the most important thing that people need to remember is that no one is perfect. Every individual is different, and there will always be differences between two people, so work it out! You might not see it in the boyfriend/girlfriend phase, but sooner or later you`ll see it, especially in marriage. As much differences, disagreements and arguements a couple might encounter, divorce is just not acceptable. You got yourself into this, so deal with it! grow up!!! If yall are not ready to get married, then dont! If you dont think he/she is a match, then dont get married! You married people reading my blog might be thinking, "this girl is a child! she doesnt know nothing!" I might not know everything, and yes, all divorce cases are different and maybe people wont ever understand your case, but getting a divorce certainly does not solve anything. You're probably making it worse, especially if you have children.

Here comes the part for all the women out there :) Again, this is just my opinion. Here goes: ALL GUYS ARE JERKS. No matter what, in all circumstances, in all cases, guys will always be guys. If a hot sexy women is flirting or being seductive, and your guys sees it, wouldnt he be attracted or tempted? I bet you you a million dollars he would. Dont be stupid ladies! Stop being naive, and face the truth! I know trust is the number #1 thing you MUST MUST do in any relationship or marriage, I'm not saying not to trust them. You can trust them 110%, but dont be blind. If your husband is constantly coming home late from work everyday, that should be a hint that something fishy is going on. Guys will always be guys! There will always be temptation in them, and I guess I can say this goes to women as well. Cheating on your spouse is just unacceptable. I think many divorce cases deals all because one of the spouce is cheating with somebody else.

Overall, marriage is beautiful, but I'm certainly not ready for it yet! NOT AT ALL. I still have so much to accomplish, so much I want to do for myself before I plan on settling down. I think the most important thing us women, or men as well, need to remember is that we need to find our own goals, and reach them. dream big. Theres no price for dreamig. Have a vision, and set goals to accomplish them, because once you are married, you are living a whole different life and you may not be able to do the things you want to do. As for me, I'm living my life day by day, and achieving my dream and be a millionaire. :) hahaha, just kidding...

Hope this helps...

Blessd day,
Jess

speechless

Last night, I dreamt that I surrounded by empty coffins in the cemetary. It was so weird, and honestly, I felt so scared in my dream. I could almost feel like it was real. Coffins are my biggest fear; my phobia. I didnt know what that dream was trying to tell me, because I've never dreamt of something so odd like. I mean, coffins would be the last thing I would want to talk about, especially at night! Blogging about this just makes me shiver! Just a couple minutes ago, I searched on google the interpretation of coffins in dreams, and it says that when you dream of empty coffins, it means "to let go of something that has already died." That totally hit me. It really did...

I'm letting go.

What a day!

I just got home an hour ago from class, and I'm so so tired. I honestly never felt this exhausted after coming home from class. Maybe it's because I've been out the whole day, and its raining outside... just made me all tired and icky. I dont know why, but lately I've been getting back aches and pain on my shoulders as well. I think perhaps I slept the wrong way? Or maybe I cracked a bone? I feel it in my sleep though, its like I dont sleep comfortable. Whenever I turn to the right or left, I feel so "pegel". My mom is a chef and as a chef, back aches and pain in her body is a normal thing for her. She's been to many massage therapists but none seems to take an effect on her. Last couple of weeks, she recommended me to this one massage therapist, an old chinese lady that lives in Hayward. She massages your body for a good 2 hours for 40 bucks. I think its pretty worth it. I really need a Professional or an Expert to massage my body! I think it's also because I work as a hostess/waitress in a fast paced restaurant environment, and usually by the end of the day, my body feels like it has been beaten by a muscular guy or something.

Another thing, I dont know why, but me and coffee just does`nt get along well. Yet, I still drink it! You see, I'm so stubborn!!! I know its bad for me, I also know my body doesnt function well when I drink coffee, but I still drink it anyways. My boyfriend calls me stubborn. I think I can finally admit that yes, I am stubborn. I drank a grande ice coffee from starbucks this afternoon, and usually I'm okay, but today they were promoting this new ice coffee with milk for $1.45 if I'm right, and so I thought why not? I never payed attention to the price anyway cause ice coffee is usually cheap, but I wanted to try it because instead of pouring your own milk, they blend it in for you. A few hours after enjoying my ice coffee, I started to feel this ill-feeling inside of me. I started shaking and felt like my heart was pounding and beating faster than it normally would. A couple hours flew by, and my friend and I decided to get an early dinner before my class at 7, and he suggested we share a strawberry margarita. I promised him to sip a little bit of it just because I've never really tried a margarita before. (I know what you might be thinking! I dont drink alcohol much. I only drink when its the right occasion. The only alcohol bev` I drink is wine) Anyway, when I took my first sip, it tasted like a normal strawberry slurpee, so I got addicted to it! I drank half glass of the margarita, and the glass was pretty big too. Usually when I drink alcohol, my shoulder starts to hurt. Dont ask me why. I dont even know. My friends all say I'm lightweight(sp?), meaning I cant consume much alcohol or something like that. A couple hours later, the coffee mixed with the margarita started to take a whole effect on my body! I started feeling so weak. But aside from that, I cant blame coffee and margarita, I think that my body is very sensitive and needs more milk and vitamins. I dont drink vitamins at all. I consume my vitamin C from drinking OJ and milk from eating cereal, but I know that isnt enough to make me healthy, because it's not everyday that I drink OJ and eat cereal. I made a promise today that I should start taking vitamin C and calcium. Consuming calcium will help your muscles and bones to be stronger. It also helps your cardiovascular system. I wanna live a healthy life! I wanna live long, and I sure want my bones and muscles to be strong so I dont have back pains and what not when I get old! I know many old people, including my grandparents that are enduring such pain like back aches, and maybe that's because they didnt take their vitamins when they were young. I finally realized that it starts now. You are what you eat. So try to eat healthy, and take vitamins and also exercise, because you will defintely benefit from it in the future. :)

Wowww, I just realized that I wrote alot for a blog! ^^ hehe.. I think that's it for now. Gonna get some rest. Must wake up early tomorrow for study session n class. goodnite :)

Blessd day,
Jess

no internet

Hey everybodyy,

I'm using my sister's computer because for some odd reason, my internet wont seem to work in my laptop. I dont know what's wrong, or who has been using my computer while I was in LA! Speaking of LA, my trip was a blast. I spend 3 days and 2 nights there. I love the city, though I gotta admit that I hate HATE the traffic and how its so hard to get anywhere. I can never stand traffic. I hung out with a couple of friends and went to a beamerfest in Santa Barbara, which was okay. This morning when I woke up, it was so hard to wake up! I'm still in that vacation mode, just wish I had more of it :( But....back to reality jessica!

I only had one class in the morning today, and my friend asked me if I wanted to watch Wolverine with him, so I did. I didnt like the movie. From the storyline to the action, I just dont get it? I dont like it. Especially the ending. I dislike endings that leaves you with a question mark. Apparently, that movie kept me a sense of hanging and questioning what happened to who and who. But, it turns out that this movie was a flashback of some sort from the beginning. I dont understand! If i was to give it a rating from 1-5, I'll give it a 3. I would give it a 1, but there were some hotties in the movie :) haha...

Today is pretty gloomy, but not too cold or windy. At least its not raining!! I kind of like this weather. Its good for a change, cause its been warm these past couple of weeks. Today was my early priority registration date and I was able to add classes up to 8 units, and boy was I amazed to get 3 classes registered! I hope by July Ill get the rest of the classes that need. I dont know what else to say...I guess I'll be tweeting for now until my internet is fixed. :/

Until then bloggers....



its been a hard, but I think I'm finally overcoming it..

PRAY FOR OUR NATION :)

Its 12.35 am right now. I'm not sleepy yet, I think it's because I had a 3 hour nap earlier in the afternoon. :/ I spend most of my day today at home, relaxing and regaining my strength. I've been taking afternoon naps lately, and I actually like that feeling after you wake up..feels more refreshed and have more strength.

I might be going out of town to Santa Barabara this weekend. I'll be going with my bf and his bro's and his friends for this beamerfest (sp?) I dont know if I should go or not though. I have a mandatory meeting for church on saturday morning, and I feel like I should go, but then again, I promised them that I'll go to SB. Ah, decisions decisions! Why does everything have to fall under the same weekend?! I'll make my decision by tomorrow. :)

This Swine Flu/ H1N1 is really scarying me. No kidding. I've been watching n reading the news, watching videos from the internet, and its crazy how were now in level 5! I've been panicking. I wash my hands every few minutes and try to avoid people as much as possible. CALL ME CRAZY. Its okay. I think I'm going to buy a face mask and sanitizers tomorrow. haha...really. I feel like this is something that Americans have to be worried and aware about. This is a serious deal! This is the time that we need to seriously pray and ask God for His guidance and protection over us, our families and close friends, because knowing that its spreading quite fast, scares the heck out of me! To everybody, make sure you wash your hands a lot. When you cough, cough on your shoulders. Avoid shaking hands with random people, and if you do wash you hands. What else? I dont know..I've been reading too many articles, this is making me go nuts, And NO I'm not overeacting!!!! This is a BIG DEAL AMERICA! ahh I'm gonna crash now, and pray!

blessed nite,
Jess

I set you free...

I wish you bluebirds in the spring
To give your heart a song to sing
And then a kiss, but more than this
I wish you love

And in July a lemonade
To cool you in some leafy glade
I wish you health
And more than wealth
I wish you love

I wish you shelter from the storm
A cozy fire to keep you warm
But most of all when snowflakes fall
I wish you love

My breaking heart and I agree
That you and I could never be
So with my best
My very best
I set you free

(I Set You Free by Rachael Yamagata)

Honestly, I dont think it's fair...I dont think it's healthy either. I think I know the answer, but I dont want to admit it. jess knp seh loe stubborn bgt... Needless to say, I dont think I can go on like this...I feel guilty. I wish I never had to feel this way. Everyday it seems a little bit harder. But, I dont think I was strong enough. I didnt push myself, I wasnt trying hard. I think its only best if I completly let go. I know I've said it before, but this time, this very time, I need to set it free. I need to surrender, and completely set it free. I cant keep looking back. I cant keep reminicing the past. It's not fair for him or for myself. I have my own life, we both live seperate worlds, so I think its best for me just to let go and leave it here. What I need to do right now is focus on the future and look forward instead of looking back. The past is the past, and dwelling on it isnt getting me a step further. I think these past couple of days, I was aware, but I continued and kept thinking about it when I should have just let go. I'm letting it go, and setting you free.

My Obessesions of the Day

I just had a low fat granola cereal with soy milk and chopped strawberries, and let me just say its amazing I usually dont eat dinner after 6pm, and if I do eat dinner after 6pm, I try not to eat rice or any kind of carbs because it'll take long to digest. I really love the sweetness of the granola and the sourness from the fresh strawberries. Like I said, I can eat cereal 3 times a day. I'm in love with it! I prefer the granola kinds rather than the common ones you will find in Safeway. I like my cereal not so sweet because you get that sweetness from the milk already. Btw, I use non-fat milk. I'm not a health freak just to let you know! But, I do watch what I eat from time to time. I dont really eat meat such as pork or lamb. I can still eat beef or chicken, but I dont eat much of it anyway. Okay, I'm getting off topic! So going back, if you havent tried granola cereal with soymilk topped with fresh fruits, you must try!

Another obession that I've been having is for Green Tea. I drink green tea at least once or twice a day, everyday. If you drink a few cups of green tea, it'll keep ologists away. It's also good for your health. It lowers down your cholesterol levels, and did I mention drinking green tea can make you lose weight? Green Tea also fights such disease like cancer, infections, prostate cancer, and high cholesterol levels. Although its very tasteless, or no taste at all, its really good for you. When I first had my first green tea, I didnt like it at all simply because it had no taste. When you go to any chinese or japanese restaurant, they usually give you a pot of tea and a cup, right? Well, I dont usually drink it, I just ask for water. BUT, now, I actually drink my tea. Its a good habit. :)

You

I'm fine with it.

It was love which seemed fine like this

Before I knew, you even refused to meet

When I'm alone I start thinking

At that time, should I had rather forgotten?

But these tears are the answer aren't they?

I can't lie to my heart

It's almost scary that I can remember

your smell, your action and everything

It's strange isn't it? Please say so and laugh

Even though we're separated. It's nothing but you

I never thought that love would be so painful

That love would be so sad

You are the person inside me I can't forget about

The person who offered me everything

Even if you can never return

Right now it's only you...Just you

Nothing but you

by a friend of mines

What Makes Me Happy

There are actually many things that makes me happy and makes my life everyday beautiful. From family to education, to even the smallest things such as getting a new haircut or new shoes or simply having a nice cup of coffee in the morning. Little things makes a difference and for me, and it truly makes me very happy. Lately, I've been seeing life through a whole different perspective. I've realized once more that life is too short and too precious. Sometimes I dont realize it. Everyday I become more grateful and gracious to have family who loves me, friends who I can rely on, an education that I can benefit later in the future, but most of all, I am mostly thankful for my health. Not a lot of people are fortunate to have a healthy life, and I am one the billions of people who have a healthy life. That, I am so thankful of. It breaks my heart to see people with certain disease, especially those that are incurable. Sometimes I question myself why God chose these things to happen to human beings? I wonder why there is such things of disease. After all, He is the creator of everything here on earth. Why did He create them? No one is perfect, but why have a innocent people die from diseases they shouldnt have? These questions, I wish I knew the answers. But then again, there are no answers to everything. I guess that's just the way life is; unpredictable. Therefore, I am cautious, more aware. I've also learned to take life seriously. I've also learned to take people more seriously, and to love and cherish each and every relationship and friendship I have. Have you ever heard of the saying, "once they leave you, that's when you miss them the most." Well, its true. You never know when your friend of family, or someone special leaves you. Sometimes God takes the most precious people away from you. Someone that you thought never would leave you, leaves you. Little things like this, things that I would never think of everyday has caused me to think life through a different level. Sometimes, as humans, we forget these things. We tend to focus more on materials, and what is in front of us, when the most important thing we should be thinking of is the little things. Am I confusing you? ahh, I think I am. I dont think that sentence even made sense!

I think I've said this on twitter, but if there is one thing in life that I've learned, that is-- to never regret and dwell on the past. This is something that I've been trying hard not to do. I think for me, as a person, I'm overwhelmingly too sensitive. I analyze every bit of everything. Its a bad thing, you know. Dont get me wrong. I'm not an EMO person. I live a happy life. I'm cheerful and perky most of time, but there would be nights when I lay there in bed not being able to sleep, that is when thoughts start popping up. I questioned myself why in the world should I be thinking of it? I tried many times to avoid it, to ignore it. I've dreamt of it a couple times, though the dream doesnt seem to tell me anything. Usually a dream would have a story line of some sort, but these dreams of mine that I've been having from time to time does not have story line. Instead, its just there. Its like the wind, you know? You cant see it, but you can feel it. I think I can relate my dream to the wind. I cant see it, I cant picture it, and I cant tell a story from it, but I can feel it. I honestly dont think there is any purpose at all for me to be thinking about it. If I look back in the past, and saw the things that has happen and how they happened as a whole, I feel a sense of stupidty for thinking about it. Beacause it was hurtful. But somehow, I dont care. I dont think about it. All I think about is the sweet memories. This is probably just something I have to fight for...I dont think it is any easier for me. I dont think I can ever last one day without having it on my mind. I guess this is something I have to deal with everyday...

I miss you.

Exams are overrrrrrr!

I'm SO happy that midterms are out of the way! :) I stayed on campus for almost 11 hours. Yes, it was so devastating. Especially knowing its nice outside, and I gotta stay inside the clustered stuffy library for hours, really does suck. But for some reason, it didnt really felt that long. I didnt even notice I stayed that long. I didnt even feel it, which is a good thing. Also, I didnt even bother looking at the time, until 6 pm, then it totally hit me. CRUNCH time! I studied with a friend of mines from the same class, so it was fun. He kept me entertained. ^^ But anywayyy, I'm glad its over. Overall, I think I did okay. While we were doing our exams, the professor caught 8 mistakes he made on the exam. A bunch of people were complaining...bla bla bla....I didnt want to say a word. I didnt care at that point. I just wanted to get it done! In the end, he gave us 2 bonus points! good for us. :) OK enough of this school talk. I have enough of it...ahhhhhh stressed!

It's almost 11 pm now, and usually around this time, I would be tired, but I'm not tired? Although I've been in school for the whole day, I'm not too tired like I would usually be. My body isnt tired, but my mind is. I hope the weather tomorrow would be nice like today. I havent had the chance to enjoy the sunny weather. It really sucks. San Francisco is never sunny and warm. When it is sunny, its usually still windy and fogggy! So whenever its hot and nice outside, I take full advantage of it. :)

Do you notice that I've been blogging constantly for the past few days? Hhaha, I didnt even realize that until right now, right this second. I have nothing to talk about because I blog every single day that there is nothing new that I need to share with you! Olright guys, I think im done for today. :) Ill write a meaningful post when the time is right! nite bloggers.

GBU,
Jess

Hey everybodyy,

How was everyone's weekend? Mines was okay. On saturday, I hung out in Mountain View. Stayed in his office for a while, and went to gelayo gusto to study. On sunday, it was my dad's birthday. I had lunch with the family. Yep, my weekend was okay. Nothing special. ^^

I just finished my exam today. A part of me feels relieved, but I still have one more Finance exam tomorrow to endure. Today is such a beautiiiiffuuulll day. I wish I could just lay down in the beach and spend time under the sun without worrying about anything. I shouldnt even be blogging..hahah, but I just got off class, and I need a break! I'll start again at 2.30? hehehe. Hope so. I know I'll be up all night tonight. I should have never drank that coffee this morning. I dont know why, my body doesnt work well with coffee. I have jitters and I get nervous after drinking coffee. BUT, I still drink it anyway...hehe

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Its been days now that I wasnt able to sleep. I went to bed, but just layed there. My body and eyes are tired, but I just couldnt sleep. Have you ever had that feeling? Youre completely exhausted, but for some reason you cant sleep? I made a promise to myself. I tried my best...I did everything I possibly could, but I cant keep blaming myself. I cant hide my feelings. I cant simply ignore it. Why is this always happening to me? I just wish I knew the answer. I wish it was that simple. From hating the feeling of it, it gets to the point where I really dont mind. You know what I realized? All this time, I've been trying to ignore the thought, the feelings and emotions I had, but you know what? I really dont care anymore. I dont want to have to lie to myself. It is impossible to earase it, and I realized it is okay to think about it because thats just life. I just gotta deal with it. Its like I've been having this sense of guilt for myself. I hate it so much, but in the same time, I miss it. I just dont understand all of this. I dont understand myself! kenapa seh loe harus mikirin...why?


Ill get over this someday, one day.

late night blog, once again :)

It's almost 2 am, and I wanted to blog a bit. This is going to be a very short blog. I'm so exhausted from work. I do need rest because I need to save my energy for the weekend to study for my exam. :( I wish exams didnt have to land on Mondays. I rather have it on Fridays or any other days of the week, just not Mondays. Maybe I'll go for a massage tomorrow or something. I really need a good body massage! My whole body aches, you dont even know! But overall, I enjoyed work today. I love working with my best coworkers...their like friends to me. I dont even consider them as coworkers. haahah :)

For once, I'm not as excited that its weekend. ughh....I hate the feeling of having exams, especially two days in a row! The feeling of not studying yet leaves me a sense of guilt. I'm pretty comfortable with the exam for Monday, but the one for my finance class is a killer. I just need to pass that class with a B and I'll be ok. youu cann doo ittt!!! Anyway, I've been really addicted to this Indonesian reality show called "Termehek Mehek". Ive been watching that on youtube for the past few weeks and i love it. It's basically a show about someone who lost contact with their friend, parents, or bf/gf and they want to find them, the team will try to find them. I dont know how to explain it. I'm really bad when it comes to explaining things...haha. But check it out, IF ur Indonesian ;) (text only in indo') Many people thinks its like a drama. Scripted, and staged. But i dont think so. The word "termehek mehek" means "crying"....and from my POV, I can definetely differentiate between real tears and fake tears. Its real people, its not staged!

Ok, this is getting way to long. I'm gonna head to bed nowww...my comfy bed. ^^ Goodnight :)