I can't believe this semester is finally coming to an end. Despite how much I want this semester to end, I have to admit that this semester was by far the challengest semester yet. I know I say that every semester, but this year I felt like I really got to use my skills and knowledge. I felt like this semester really challenged myself to be prepared for the working world.

I just finished my last presentation of the semester. Our group was chosen and honored to present to Target executives and the Business Dean and it's department. The whole concept of this project deals with the idea of the cosmetic section in Target. Our goal was to basically change the entire cosmetic section and come up with something that is more appealing to the consumers, and in the same time increase sales and foot traffic. (if you haven't noticed, their current layout isn't very appealing). Basically if we win, we get a $1,000 scholarship. Unfortunately, we didn't win :( but I felt like either way, I'm happy with our presentation. I couldn't have done it a different way. It was such a great experience overall to even present to these people. I mean out of all the other groups, our Professor chose us to present, so that already was such a blessing and honor. (:

I have 2 semesters left until I graduate. I know that seems like forever, but I feel like it'll go by fairly quick. As much as I want to graduate asap and get out of school, I want to savor each and every moment I have this last year in school, learn as much as I can, and get as much experience I can possibly get. I value education so much. I mean I'm not perfect or a genius in any way. I dont get straight A's. In fact, as a student I've never gotten straight A's before, but I feel like as long as you tried your best and gave it your all, that's what matter most in the end, even if you fail. I mean nobody wants to fail or to lose in any situation, but I think every failure is definitely a learning experience. You take what you didn't do or could have done better as guide for you in the future.

"You live, and you learn" Alannis Morsette

Hey guys,

It's been a while since I blogged. I know I always say that. Maybe because I remember how often I used to blog before. :) Nothing much is new with me. Lately, I've just been trying to focus in school. Yes, "try" and enjoy life at the same time of course. It's hard to manage work, school, and fun. I try to keep those 3balance, although deep down I want fun more than either school or work.

Spring break was not so fun like I planned it to be. Whenever I plan things, it never works out. This is the ultimate reason why I never plan. I just let it flow, and see where the day takes me. :) Dont get me wrong. I plan for important things. It's not like I dont plan at all! The weather wasnt so nice either so there was nothing much I can do. I initially planned to spend my spring break in the beach or anything that has to do with outdoors, but weve been getting nothing but rain and wind. Totally failed!

I cant believe I have 7-8 weeks left of school. More so, I'm surprised it's already the month of April. This year is going by too quickly. I just want to stop the time and savor each moment of the day and make it last long. Of course there are certain days where I just want to get the day over with, but other than that, I'm enjoying life right now, and living my life to the fullest. I have great friends and a loving family. What more can one ask? haha, okay. I just thought about it over, and yes, maybe there are certain things that I wish I had, but I dont want to complain about something that could have been or could have, because I do believe that things happen for a reason, and things happen because its supposed to happen the way they are. (WOW, what a run on sentence!)

'Til then bloggers!

Symphony- Marie Digby

Here I go again in my dreamy eyes
I should be content but something's just not satisfied, oh
It's nothing that you did, I'm still on your side
I can't love you if I'm not sure who I am inside

'Cause there are some questions that need some answers
What is it I'm really after?
The clock's ticking so I can't wait around

This is my now, this is my today
No more sitting on the side waiting for my chance to play
Time to step out, so much to say
But I'll never get the chance if I don't break away
And write my own symphony, write my own symphony
Just let me write my own symphony

I've always got my head way up in the clouds
Something in me wants to fly away and leave the ground, oh
If you could hear my thoughts when no one's around
Then you'd understand my fear of being held down

'Cause I wanna explore the world around me
Dance under the stars above me
And be free to make my own mistakes

'Cause every minute you're here with me
It gets harder to turn and walk away..
But I gotta chase my destiny
No matter how hard or long it takes
-------
This song exactly explains how i've been feeling this past week.

break-and-blog

Thank God spring break is just right around the corner! I just finished my last exam, and let me tell you it was the second worse testing experience in my life (I had my 1st worse testing experience last semester ago :) Anyways, this test that I just did was multiple choice plus 2 long answer essay question. Out of 30 questions from the multiple choice, 10 of them was based on calculations that I studied almost all night long, and for some reason reason, I couldn't solve those 10 problems today. I was completely blank. I know the problem, but I just didnt know how to get the numbers. OMG. seriously. The worse experience ever. 10 minutes before I had to turn in my test, somewhere in this brain of mines FINALLY figured out how to solve the problem. Unfortunately, I had to guess the last 2 questions since I didn't have anymore time to finish them. :-/ I was happy enough just being able to answer most of the problems, without walking out of the test room feeling like a complete failure.

On the brightside, I'm about to go to this Michael Kors event in Standford Mall for my internship. Although I'm pretty excited about it, I'm feeling super tired at this point. I didnt get much sleep last night, and I'm sitting here in the computer lab with half of my eyes open. I'm hoping the event will go by smoothly and will end my night with a happy note, because all I can think of right now is my bed and blanket. I feel like staying home and be a potatoe couch ;) JUST FOR ONE DAY :)

Alrighty guys, I'm off to Palo Alto. Wish me luck! have a blessed rest of the day and always stay positive!

love,
Jessica

I'm not sure how many blogs I've made over the past couple of years, but I think I've made at least 5 blogs total, and for some reason, I've always managed to update this blog the most. I deleted two of my other blogs because it was useless to have it. Yeah, it's empty! So now, I only have this blog, and I just recently made a new blog. I promise you I will update the new one more often. I wanted to have a blog about my personal thoughts, more like a diary. I think I did pretty good with this blog, but I also wanted a blog where I can write about my passion: fashion, food and fun! So here it is guys:

Jessicatirta.blogspot.com

Add me! Read me! Comment me! (:


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Have you ever had people talk behind your backs? If you know someone who does, you should know how it feels like. I don't understand why people talk smack behind you and act all nice and friendly in the front. Oh wait. I should be happy. It's so great to know that I'm on their mind and they have the time to even talk about me. You know, I really dont know this person. She doesn't even know me, but I know for one that people who talks bad about you to other people either means 1.) she's not satisfied with her life, 2.) she's insecure, and 3.) she's simply jealous of you. It's funny how we barely even talk, and hearing from my friend that she is talking bad about me is like WOW, really? You notice these little things about me and then turn it into something negative and then talk crap about me? I must be really special.

Please look in the mirror before you talk about other people miss. Evaluate yourself before you evaluate other people--not just me, I'm talking about the other people you've been talking about. Thanks.

I had a dream about you last night. I don't know why I dreamt of you, because there was not a single moment that I was thinking about you the night before. I've completely forgotten. All the sudden I dream of you. Sometimes dreams mean nothing--or at least most doesn't. I know for one that my dream last night meant nothing, but just the thought of having him in my dreams brings back memories. This is sort of the hard part you know. I don't know what else to say..

"You may lose something in life, but in the end it gets better to realize that you've gain something much worthy of"



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Insomnia

April 24th 2009.....

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2a.m

How do one know
they're making the right decision? It felt like it was the right thing for me to do and at the right time...but now why am I second guessing myself?

Please tell me I did the right thing.

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Just an update. (:

It's been a while since I blogged. I'm trying to manage my time so I can blog regularly, but with school and assignments in the way, it won't be so often :(

So far, school is doing alright. Not much going on, just a whole bunch of reading and online assignments. Let me tell you I haven't been reading. This is so not me, and I'm not proud of my behavior! I don't think lazy is the word, but I guess I just haven't got my 100% full motivation back. I think I'm still in vacation mode. Whatever it is i need to get my act togeather! On the other hand, I feel like I'm constantly on iLearn's website 24/7. It's ridiculous and disgusting. life is great! Positive! (:

It's really weird how this semester started. I never knew it would end this way, but turns out that things are not meant to last forever.

Goodnight everyone! (:



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I really miss my family back in Indonesia. I miss my grandma. I miss my grandpa. I miss my aunt and uncles. I miss my maid. But most if all, I miss thus little girl


When I was in Jakarta, she didn't want to eat, shower, studie with her mom or with the maid. The only person she wanted to be with was me. I've learned to be patient with little kids--trust me, it's not easy. Going back home reminds me how important family really is. You can lose your spouse, bf, or job..but you can never lose your family. When I was in Jakarta for 3 weeks, I got to spend with most of my family members from both my mom's and dad's side. When I came back to the US, I felt a sense of loss. It's like I've got nobody here beside my mom and dad and my grandma. I miss being around my bigger part of the family. It really sucks that they are so far away from me. don't laugh at me, but there were nights where I had tears running down my cheeks because I miss them so much. But knowing that their happy makes me happy and that's all it matters.


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"don't bite more than you can chew"

Spring semester just started yesterday, and I'm already feeling the pressuring kicking in. I thought last semester was hard, but after the first day of class and reading the syllabus, I can say this semester is a whole lot harder. Ugh, did I mention 4 of my classes requires forming groups for this group project and presentation? I don't mind presenting or doing the project-- that's not what I'm complaining about. It's the group part. I don't hate it, but knowing the fact that I'll have to meet with 4 different groups for 4 different classes throughout the semester is kinda painful. I'm kinda the type of person who likes to do things on my own, and not rely on people cause you know you can never trust anybody. Doesn't mean I don't get along with people, it's just that I prefer working alone when it comes to education. I know some people who feels the same way. :) anyways, I shouldn't even be complaining. I got all the classes I need without the need go beg and plead. haha. (sorry for my many grammatical errors in this blog)

Gonna head to bed! Goodnight guys (:


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It's been a while since I blogged. I got back from Indonesia last week, and I gotta admit, I miss my family so much. I wish I stayed there longer. It's so hard to leave the ones you love the most, especially knowing the fact that you barely see them. Thanks to facebook and international texting, I'm able to communicate with them. Lol :)

School is starting tomorrow. Whooopah. I'm so not excited. In a way I'm ready to get back on track and start being productive again, but a part of me knows how crazy this semester is gonna be, that's probably the reason why I don't wanna start school! Omg, books are super duper expensive. It's unbelievable. Another reason why I hate school!

Alright, gonna get my beauty sleep. Gotta look fab on the first day right? Haha :) kidding.

Night guys


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If there is one thing I'm not good at, it would be hiding my feelings. I don't think I'm capable of hiding my feelings or put a smile on my face when really I'm not feeling happy. It's easy for someone to say that when they got a problem, its easy for them to hide that emotions and simply put a smile on their faces, acting as though nothing is going on. I can't do that. I've been trying to focus with my finals tomorrow, but I can't even focus a bit. All my friends are telling me how a fool I am for being in the situation that I'm in and for letting it eat up my emotions, but I feel like I rather feel this way then denying it to myself and act as if everything is alright when deep down I'm suffering. I rather feel miserable now then denying it to myself and feel miserable later. Feel me? haha...Oh gosh, why am I even blogging? It's 3am right now, and I should be in bed cause I need to wake up at 6am today, but I felt like blogging (:

What am I supposed to do? I hate hate hate this sucky feeling. I hate it that much that I gotta put that hate 3 times. A part of me wants to believe and listen to whatever my friends are telling me, but a part of me wants to just shut everybody down and listen to myself. I'm torn in between and I hate this situation I'm in. So much hate right? Gosh, I feel like a crazy women right now. No idea.

Ugh, I really hate this. (guess how many times I've said that today?)

“Life is uncharted territory. It reveals its story one moment at a time.” Leo Buscaglia

not my kind of day...

Today is such a crappy day. I basically studied for my finals the whole day and finished up my paper. I'm still studying right now, but bleh, I need a break! I'm not getting anything right now. It's so frustrating. I've been trying to read this book for I don't know how many hours? And I'm still not getting it, and OH my exam is on thursday!

Today is really not my kind of day. I wish I can just sleep this off and wake up to rainbows and sunshines. haha, yeah, you get what I mean.

"There's something about you
the way you move, the way you look at me
There's something about the way you see things
its like a change of scenery
Everything about you, I just want more of..."

I should be studying for my finals right now, but I need a break. I've been studying at the library the whole day. Finals are too overwhelming, and I think I said that many times already. I can't wait for this thursday, when all of this will be over :)

It still haven't hit me yet that I'm going back to Indonesia. I'm super excited to see my family, go shopping, eat all the good foods. But above all, I'm mostly excited to see my grandpa. I miss him so much, words can't even express. My grandpa and I go way back when I was still a little girl. My parents left me a couple years after I was born to work in US, and my sister and I was left in Indonesia with my grandparents. My sister and I lived in different homes for some period of time. My mom's parents took care of my sister, and my dad's parents took care of me. My grandma and I never had a great relationship. It felt like her life was all about her and never about me. My grandpa was the one who took care of me since I was little and he was always the "hero", the one who was always stood by my side. May it be I peed in bed, threw up in the car, or cried at night cause I missed my mom, he was there for me. He never scolded me or punished me. I remember every night I would wait for him to get home from work, and he would show me how much money he made that night. I would be so happy to see him. I also remembered how much I loved bunnies when I was little girl, and so one day, he surprised me with 3 little white bunnies. It was seriously the happiest day of my life :) The next day, I found out that my bunnies died, but my grandpa wasn't even mad that I didn't took good care of it. I moved here when I was 3 years old to finally here in the US with my parents. My grandpa and grandma came here to live with us for a good amount of years. Because my grandpa had business over in Indonesia, he couldn't stay long and had to go back to Indonesia. I guess years after LDR between my grandpa and my grandma, their marriage went south, and never did I expect my grandpa to find another women in his life. A part of me hated him, but another part of me understood what he did and why he did it. If I could go on and explain the little details I would, but after all, good or bad, my family will always be my family and I can never talk down about my family like that. My grandma and my grandpa finally separated, and now he lives with his family in Indonesia. It really sucks because I barely get to see him, and if I do, it's always every 4-5 years. Although he cheated on my grandma, and chose another family over ours, I still love him to death. Every year, he would never miss my birthday. If I had all the money in this world, I will give it all to him. That's how much I love my grandpa. Writing this makes me have tears in my eyes :( If there is one important thing I learn in life, that is to never take anybody for granted. Even though I never took my grandpa for granted, I never realized how much I love him until his gone from my life. It's not like everyday that I could see or talk to him, and that really breaks my heart because he was a big part of my life since I was little.

I miss you grandpa & see you in 2 weeks.

<3>

It's always good to be busy and productive, but lately it's been a
little too much for me. With all the finals, I've been getting less or
no sleep. I've been feeling way too exhausted! Although I can't hardly
wait for this semester to end, I have to admit this is by far the
best semester I've had in State. I predicted in the beginning of the
semester that this would be a great semester for me, turns out I was
right. I guess I was able to really focus and concentrate a lot this semester.
No guys=no drama=happy me :) I'm not ready to say goodbye to this
semester, or this year may I say. Next year is going to be another
tough year, pretty unpredictable, but I can already sense it. I kinda
like not knowing, but 2009 has treated me so well I just can't say goodbye to it yet.

Off to work! :)